Do you think itll pass? Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. This time is so precious and so short. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? well, its not. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . Welcome to Easy Baby Life your one-stop shop for positive parenting tips and tools from pregnancy and on! Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. Thank you so much for your reply. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). Playing with her, cuddling her, holding her, rocking her to sleepif I could sing her to sleep it was rare. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. And do things together all of you. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. Before we know it they are even out of the house. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. What am I doing wrong? Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. My mom says this is wrong and that i should just let her go. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. We may not do much and I am stern when it comes to bad behavior but she cries a lot and asks where daddy is. lying down or the underarm hold). I have a 11 month old little girl. Ive been home with her from the beginning. Try the sleep and switch. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. But i continued being there for her. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. But when I worked at being breezy, he seemed to want to be around me again. Like many of you, I am a working mother who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. youre missing out, and so is your baby. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! I feel left out. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. You are not the only mother this has happened to. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? A more upright position makes it easier for the milk to go "down the hatch.". she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. This can make a toddler feel like mom has been taken away or even rejected. Then try some of these methods: 1. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. She just wants me to go away from her. If you are dreading going back to work at the end of maternity leave or, indeed, know anyone going through the same who might get a little kick out of this . But the emotional part of me feels devastated. Adjustment takes time. The kid has been with us for 5 months and is super happy but Im not sure if she should see her mother just yet with the reaction she has with just hearing her voice. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. It really hurts. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. And when I get her home she ignores me. But it seems she does. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. If she wants help then she should take her to day care then then she will start to understand the women picking her up is her mother. It hurts. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? First thing to remember is to feed the baby. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. I just want to cry and cry. Feed your milk to your baby. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. Please help! But, I do know I cant wallow. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. Hang in there! She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. My son is fine with me round anyone else. It might be worth trying too. I do everything for her but she does not know that I am her mother. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. When daddy is the bored or tired of this the he conveniently disappears and I take over. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. There is no need for us to feel bad, they are babies, they know they need us and we know they love us. 1. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. Thanks. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. I cant help having my heart broken. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. Pump or hand express your milk. And my dad is simply crazy about her. The situation must be painful for you. I am really shattered. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. It took me a while to get into the groove of motherhood not sure whether it was my age, post partum? This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. May God help us all. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. Im so glad I found this post! My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. Hi! You are and always will be their only mother. Paula is right. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. Hi all. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. Never has. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. I dont know what to do, I feel desperate. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. I know he is only 9 months but shouldnt 9 month old babies already recognise their mothers? Please help! My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. Plan pumping while at work. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. 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